I've wondered, "what's wrong with me, what did I do, what do I do?", nothing's wrong I said to myself. But why so hard to me to have my people. my people, people who I can trust the most, people who I can depend on, people who I can be myself without pretending and fake smile when I'm around them. Because the more I think and the more I want them, the more they disappoint me, and as time goes by, I trust a little less and a little less, and that's suck. If there's nothing I do wrong, then is it just who always act like that? Or am I just not good enough to deserve their loyalty, their time, their struggle? Astaghfirullah, may Allah give His patience for me. While I gave them my time and my trust, they let me down. Remember it as life lessons, that people come and go, that you're not supposed trust to everybody because clearly they don't deserve it. And remember that what goes around comes around. That they will not get as good as I get. Just do good deeds, no matter what people do or think, because Allah always sees and hears and remembers...
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Monday, March 31, 2014
Dreaming With A Broken Heart by John Mayer
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering, "Was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?"
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with her crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering, "Could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?"
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
Now do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my, roses in my hand?
would you get them if I did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering, "Was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?"
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with her crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering, "Could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?"
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
Now do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my, roses in my hand?
would you get them if I did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Some Stories of Us
Nyangkut Traveller - Kawah Ijen Trip 17-18 Agustus 2013
Monday, January 13, 2014
terlalu banyak tanda tanya?
bukankah lucu bagaimana otak kecilmu bisa mempengaruhi kinerja seluruh tubuhmu?
bagaimana zat-zat kimia mengalir di darahmu dan mempengaruhi seluruh inderamu?
yang awalnya bahagia kemudian menjadi sedih?
yang tadinya tertawa lalu menangis?
yang dulunya percaya kemudian membenci?
yang kemarin nyaman lalu hari ini bosan?
kemudian aku bertanya, lalu selanjutnya apa?
bertemu dengan orang-orang baru namun kemudian berpisah jalan?
menyebutnya pertemanan tapi tidak menerima kekurangan masing-masing?
hanya menyapa karena berguna dan membutuhkan?
tertawa bersama karena suatu keharusan?
pengorbanankah?
mungkinkah?
egoiskah?
benarkah?
?
??
???
????
??????
puas??????
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
colours by electric wave bureau
Blue is where I want to be
When I'm down I'm in the sea
When I'm down I'm in the sea
Looking up at monsters in the clouds.
Reds the colour when you dead
If you find me gone I'm just in bed
Reading up on fairy tales instead.
Now I Know so many things
Got feet and I got wings
To carry me back home
To my house just make of bricks
Well that's just such a fix to ever hold me down
White is what I was to start
Broken by my open heart
Falling down and falling up again.
Black is white the other way
Paradise is in the grey
All my colours mixing up again
Now I know so many things
Got feet and I got wings
To carry me back home
To my house just made of bricks
Well that's just such a fix to ever hold me down
Now I know so many things
Got feet and I got wings to carry me back home
To my house just made of bricks
Well that's just such a fix to ever hold me down
some thoughts, offense taken.
it's been a while I'm away from blogger, and this is the very first post in 2014, hope this year ahead is gonna be nice for all of us! :)
and I'm here to write something that already in mind for a while. about how people behave, about what people talk, about what people write. remember all those time back a year, nothing's good when I'm back there. but nowadays isn't getting better either. I mean, I don't regret anything, it just makes me think, what did I do wrong? what did we do wrong?
you know, when you're asked, what possibly situation that makes you happy the most, I'm gonna answer, when people have faith in me. but in a meantime, I'm thinking, I trust a little less, a little less, a little less, and that sucks. people aren't always as good as you think of them. it makes me sad. why people need to write anything they come in mind in their facebook wall, in their timeline, rather than talk face-to-face? are we bad enough till people don't want talk to us? no, it's not that. it's because they don't trust us anymore..
shut it, y'all, I even can tell what you wanna say from your eyes. those disgusts, shames, powerless, you blamed us, don't you? why don't just accept that we're not alike and we don't want to be like you?
and remember, you want us to change, why don't you change yourselves?
and I'm here to write something that already in mind for a while. about how people behave, about what people talk, about what people write. remember all those time back a year, nothing's good when I'm back there. but nowadays isn't getting better either. I mean, I don't regret anything, it just makes me think, what did I do wrong? what did we do wrong?
you know, when you're asked, what possibly situation that makes you happy the most, I'm gonna answer, when people have faith in me. but in a meantime, I'm thinking, I trust a little less, a little less, a little less, and that sucks. people aren't always as good as you think of them. it makes me sad. why people need to write anything they come in mind in their facebook wall, in their timeline, rather than talk face-to-face? are we bad enough till people don't want talk to us? no, it's not that. it's because they don't trust us anymore..
shut it, y'all, I even can tell what you wanna say from your eyes. those disgusts, shames, powerless, you blamed us, don't you? why don't just accept that we're not alike and we don't want to be like you?
and remember, you want us to change, why don't you change yourselves?
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Friday, June 28, 2013
The Flower
"Without being shaken up, where is the flower that blooms?
In this world, even the beautiful flower, blooms because it got shaken up
While it is shaken up, the stem becomes straightened
Without being shaken up, where is the love that is possible?
A flower without getting rained on, where is it?
In this world, even the most beautiful flower, has been rained on, and rained on, and bloomed
Getting wet from the rain and wind, the flower blooms warmly
A life without getting rained on, where is it?"
-Teacher Jung from School 2013
In this world, even the beautiful flower, blooms because it got shaken up
While it is shaken up, the stem becomes straightened
Without being shaken up, where is the love that is possible?
A flower without getting rained on, where is it?
In this world, even the most beautiful flower, has been rained on, and rained on, and bloomed
Getting wet from the rain and wind, the flower blooms warmly
A life without getting rained on, where is it?"
-Teacher Jung from School 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
syukur tiada henti
subhanallah, Allah memang selalu memberikan yang terbaik untuk umat-Nya. kalimat hamdalah tidak cukup menggambarkan kebahagiaanku :''
then I presented this to my beloved mom and dad; because whom I have this chance. surely, for friends who always support me. thank you very much!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
memories
weekend ini, May 9th-12th 2013, kehitung cukup panjang buat anak kuliahan yang haus akan liburan kayak aku gini. dan karena aku bukan anak perantauan yang mengharuskan aku pulang ketika ada libur, akhirnya aku memutuskan buat reunian kilat sama temen-temen SMP SMA. jarang-jarang sih mereka langsung bisa kayak gini, biasanya kalo uda direncanain malah banyak yang mendadak nggak bisa. emang uda waktunya ketemu mungkin xixixi. pas ketemu ya biasa aja sih; makan, jalan, photobox, nggosip, ngenang masa lalu; tapi hal-hal kecil kayak gitu justru yang bikin reuni itu menyenangkan. selaluuuuu aja, kata-kata "kamu inget nggak dulu pas gini" "kamu inget nggak dulu si ini suka gitu" "kamu masih inget nggak kalo dulu si x pernah suka sama si y" dan blaa blaaa blaaaa :''
pas hari jumat, aku ketemuan nya sama si Yulitania Laksmita Zahra aka sap, ceritanya sih nge-date berdua gitu. asli ndadak sumpah. tapi mumpung lagi pada libur, yaudin kita langsung cus TP. cerita panjang lebaaaaar tentang dulu dan sekarang, gimana kehidupan kuliah telah banyak mengubah kami *poae*, window shopping, sok-sok nyobain sepatu di toko-toko padahal nggak ada yang mau beli haha :'D trus parahnya lagi, sok-sokan masuk ke zara liat-liat baju sepatu yang harganya selangit -,- *edisi lebay*. well, I had so much fun.. meeting again with the person who had been 3 years you spent with, the person who really know you. thanks sap, you're the best! <3 :''
daaan besoknya, giliran aku meet up sama temen-temen SMP. tapi sedihnya, gak semua bisa dateng :( kalo kata lanni sih, kalo formasinya nggak lengkap gini bagai sayur tanpa garam huahaha. tapi ini nih yang paling bikin galau. temenku, lanni, bilang coba deh kamu baca-baca note facebook nya mbah (temenku yang lain) pas jaman-jaman dulu pas kita masih 'mudah' sumpah bikin ngakak. I originally had no intentions to really do that, but I ended up 'galau' because those notes :''''
sumpaaaaaaaaaaaaah kangen banget sama mereka :""" Lanni Agustin, Rita Ardianti, Puspita Kartika Wilis, Sherty Putri, Fi'la Nabilah Sani', Qurrotul 'Ayuni, SMP Negeri 1 Surabaya :"""""
I had no idea what will I'd be today without them being in my past. the more I remember those memories, the more I want to be there again. and the more I praise about how enjoyable my life was, the more I see my life today as nothing but "A Must"..
pas hari jumat, aku ketemuan nya sama si Yulitania Laksmita Zahra aka sap, ceritanya sih nge-date berdua gitu. asli ndadak sumpah. tapi mumpung lagi pada libur, yaudin kita langsung cus TP. cerita panjang lebaaaaar tentang dulu dan sekarang, gimana kehidupan kuliah telah banyak mengubah kami *poae*, window shopping, sok-sok nyobain sepatu di toko-toko padahal nggak ada yang mau beli haha :'D trus parahnya lagi, sok-sokan masuk ke zara liat-liat baju sepatu yang harganya selangit -,- *edisi lebay*. well, I had so much fun.. meeting again with the person who had been 3 years you spent with, the person who really know you. thanks sap, you're the best! <3 :''
 | ||||
| Me and Sap <3 |
SAHABAT by Rita Ardianti
mereka yang selalu ada buat kita saat suka dan duka
mereka yang selalu tertawa bersama kita
mereka yang selalu menjadi tempat berbagi canda
mereka yang selalu menangis bersama kita
mereka yang selalu menerima kita apa adanya
mereka yang selalu menerima kekurangan dan kelebihan kita
mereka yang selalu mendengarkan cerita dan keluh kesah kita
mereka yang selalu menolong kita ketika kita jatuh
mereka yang selalu memberi semangat kepada kita
mereka yang selalu memberi kekuatan kepada kita
mereka yang selalu membuat kita tersenyum
mereka yang selalu memaafkan kesalahan kita
mereka yang selalu menghapus amarah dendam dan benci kita
mereka yang selalu menghapus ketakutan kita
mereka yang selalu mengerti kita
mereka yang selalu menjaga dan melindungi kita
mereka yang selalu mewarnai hari hari kita
mereka yang selalu berharap yang terbaik untuk kita
mereka yang selalu berdoa untuk kita
mereka yang selalu bersama kita
sumpaaaaaaaaaaaaah kangen banget sama mereka :""" Lanni Agustin, Rita Ardianti, Puspita Kartika Wilis, Sherty Putri, Fi'la Nabilah Sani', Qurrotul 'Ayuni, SMP Negeri 1 Surabaya :"""""
I had no idea what will I'd be today without them being in my past. the more I remember those memories, the more I want to be there again. and the more I praise about how enjoyable my life was, the more I see my life today as nothing but "A Must"..
