ITS Security Awareness Program

Kau berada.

Kehidupan kuliah hanya sepenggal cerita dari kehidupan, bak bumi di alam semesta bak sel di sebuah tubuh, kecil namun sangat berarti. Keberadaan dirimu dalam kehidupan perkuliahan bak menentukan jalan yang akan diambil di sebuah persimpangan. Bukan hanya satu atau dua persimpangan, namun tak terhingga. Terlalu banyak pelajaran yang bisa didapat, sehingga kadang terlewatkan yang mana adalah pelajaran yang sangat penting. Keberadaan dirimu dalam kehidupan perkuliahan bak memilih buah berkulit tebal yang tak tahu bagaimana keadaan dalamnya. Namun jika kita tidak menentukan pilihan, kita tak akan pernah tau apa yang ada di dalamnya. Kemudian semakin lama semakin banyak yang menghampirimu, untuk menanyakan keberadaanmu. Lalu kita harus jawab apa? Memangnya dimana aku berada? Sudah cukup waktu yang dihabiskan untuk menimba berbagai ilmu, sudah cukup banyak kelas yang diikuti, namun tetap saja tak cukup untuk bisa menjawab pertanyaan itu. Solusinya adalah dengan mudahnya meyakinkan diri bahwa nanti pertanyaan itu akan terjawab sendiri. Tapi apakah benar nanti akan terjawab? Tidak tahulah, liat nanti saja.

Lalu apa yang bisa dilakukan untuk membunuh waktu yang memisahkan diri kita sekarang dengan jawaban yang masih tak tentu dimensi ruang dan waktunya? Memberikan kontribusi saja. Karena kata mereka kontribusi bisa memberikan petunjuk dimana jawabanmu berada. Lalu apakah melakukan kontribusi tapi masih saja dicaci maki tetap bisa mendapatkan jawaban? Bukannya kontribusi itu tidak penting, namun apakah hatimu bahagia karena kontribusi? Mungkin.

Setelah lama menyelam, tentu kau akan tahu nama-nama ikan di laut. Setelah lama kau berada di suatu lingkungan, kau akan tahu budaya yang hidup di dalamnya. Dan kau kemudian tahu. Maka diputuskanlah sebuah jawaban dalam bentuk keinginan. Dan kau tentu akan berusaha sekeras baja penghacur bangunan-bangunan kokoh, menghiraukan kawan, membunuh waktu, meneteskan keringat, meninggalkan jejak, merasakan duri, namun tak terpikir sepersekian detik pun untuk kau memutuskan berhenti. Hanya untuk mencari jawaban, "memangnya dimana kau berada?".

Sebaik dan semulia apapun niatmu, kau tetap tidak pernah berhenti. Namun kau tak pernah mengerti, bahwa jawaban yang kau cari bukanlah jawaban yang ingin kau ketahui. Karena seberat apapun usaha yang kau lakukan, lebih banyak dari mereka yang melakukannya dengan lebih baik. Atau karena memang sudah menjadi yang paling baik..

Lalu kau sadar, jawaban yang kau cari tidak sesuai dengan yang kau inginkan. Lalu kau berada dimana sekarang?

Do I Remember It?

I've wondered, "what's wrong with me, what did I do, what do I do?", nothing's wrong I said to myself. But why so hard to me to have my people. my people, people who I can trust the most, people who I can depend on, people who I can be myself without pretending and fake smile when I'm around them. Because the more I think and the more I want them, the more they disappoint me, and as time goes by, I trust a little less and a little less, and that's suck. If there's nothing I do wrong, then is it just who always act like that? Or am I just not good enough to deserve their loyalty, their time, their struggle? Astaghfirullah, may Allah give His patience for me. While I gave them my time and my trust, they let me down. Remember it as life lessons, that people come and go, that you're not supposed trust to everybody because clearly they don't deserve it. And remember that what goes around comes around. That they will not get as good as I get. Just do good deeds, no matter what people do or think, because Allah always sees and hears and remembers...

Dreaming With A Broken Heart by John Mayer

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering, "Was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?"
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with her crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering, "Could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?"
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

Now do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my, roses in my hand?
would you get them if I did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

Some Stories of Us

Nyangkut Traveller - Kawah Ijen Trip 17-18 Agustus 2013

terlalu banyak tanda tanya?

bukankah lucu bagaimana otak kecilmu bisa mempengaruhi kinerja seluruh tubuhmu?

bagaimana zat-zat kimia mengalir di darahmu dan mempengaruhi seluruh inderamu?

yang awalnya bahagia kemudian menjadi sedih?

yang tadinya tertawa lalu menangis?

yang dulunya percaya kemudian membenci?

yang kemarin nyaman lalu hari ini bosan?

kemudian aku bertanya, lalu selanjutnya apa?

bertemu dengan orang-orang baru namun kemudian berpisah jalan?

menyebutnya pertemanan tapi tidak menerima kekurangan masing-masing?

hanya menyapa karena berguna dan membutuhkan?

tertawa bersama karena suatu keharusan?

pengorbanankah?

mungkinkah?

egoiskah?

benarkah?

?

??

???

????

??????

puas??????

colours by electric wave bureau

Blue is where I want to be
When I'm down I'm in the sea

Looking up at monsters in the clouds.

Reds the colour when you dead

If you find me gone I'm just in bed

Reading up on fairy tales instead.

Now I Know so many things

Got feet and I got wings

To carry me back home

To my house just make of bricks

Well that's just such a fix to ever hold me down

White is what I was to start

Broken by my open heart

Falling down and falling up again.

Black is white the other way

Paradise is in the grey

All my colours mixing up again

Now I know so many things

Got feet and I got wings

To carry me back home

To my house just made of bricks

Well that's just such a fix to ever hold me down

Now I know so many things

Got feet and I got wings to carry me back home

To my house just made of bricks

Well that's just such a fix to ever hold me down

some thoughts, offense taken.

it's been a while I'm away from blogger, and this is the very first post in 2014, hope this year ahead is gonna be nice for all of us! :)
and I'm here to write something that already in mind for a while. about how people behave, about what people talk, about what people write. remember all those time back a year, nothing's good when I'm back there. but nowadays isn't getting better either. I mean, I don't regret anything, it just makes me think, what did I do wrong? what did we do wrong?
you know, when you're asked, what possibly situation that makes you happy the most, I'm gonna answer, when people have faith in me. but in a meantime, I'm thinking, I trust a little less, a little less, a little less, and that sucks. people aren't always as good as you think of them. it makes me sad. why people need to write anything they come in mind in their facebook wall, in their timeline, rather than talk face-to-face? are we bad enough till people don't want talk to us? no, it's not that. it's because they don't trust us anymore..

shut it, y'all, I even can tell what you wanna say from your eyes. those disgusts, shames, powerless, you blamed us, don't you? why don't just accept that we're not alike and we don't want to be like you?
and remember, you want us to change, why don't you change yourselves?